It’s a safe bet to say that, at some point in our lives, we’ve come across a music video or song that, for whatever reason, has bewildered the mind. A video or song so out there, it causes mental damage that can’t fully be healed. I’ve seen a horde of music videos, and a good majority of them have left me scarred for life. So, to share some of that misery with you all, I’ve selected just five of the brain scorching videos I’ve bore witness too, some of which have been accompanied by some ear-raping music. So, for your viewing displeasure, and to get into the spirit of Halloween, here are the top five songs & or videos that make you go “What the Fuck!!!”.....for all the wrong reasons.
5) Men Without Hats - Pop Goes the World
Ironically, I just discovered this video a week or two ago, right after I watched Todd In The Shadows’s One Hit Wonders analysis of The Safety Dance (Click “***” to watch that video). Adding to the band’s irony is that Pop Goes the World is their only other hit song, which Todd In The Shadows also covered in the video, but I’m getting off track.
Compared to the other choices on this list, Pop Goes The World is a bit more tame, in terms of the video, and the song to a lesser extent. The video is presented in a rather cutesy manner, complete with soap bubbles floating around constantly, a baby in a carriage “playing” the keyboard (the effect is done rather poorly, hence the quotations), and a theme of worldwide dreams. The video really isn’t that bad, but the only things that’ll make a brain cell or two fry is the inclusion of a rather poor Elvis impersonator (blonde hair anyone?), an appearance by a weird looking snowman that just creeps me right the hell out (he kinda looks like the Rape-Puff Marshmallow Man, a distant and lesser known relative of the State-Puff Marshmallow Man), and the lead singer dancing around like he’s having a fit, and just acting childish in general. This childish feeling increases when a small group of kids appear about halfway through the video (insert Michael Jackson joke here), and act as crazy as he is.
If there’s anything wrong with this, it’s the song that really throws things off. It tries to be cute, as well as 80s pop should be, but I can’t help but feel a lot of cynical thinking within the lyrics, perhaps to the point of apocalyptic. It really clashes with the otherwise happy feelings that the video produces, and just makes watching said video a weird experience. Not necessarily WTFy, but it does stick in your mind, and it’s definitely in the ball park. Hence it’s place at the number 5 spot.
4) Rammstein - Sonne
Let me start out by saying that I love Rammstein. Having listen to their music for about a decade, the band has gained my respect & fandom through their oddities & personalities, not to mention their antics on stage. With the exception of one album, I’ve liked everything they’ve produced. However, that doesn’t mean that they haven’t produced any WTF material. In fact, they’re known for producing some of the most out there music videos, not to mention some equally out there music.
Which is where Sonne (Sun) comes in. This is on the Mutter album, which is the first that I bought from them back in 2002. Although the first song I ever heard from them was Ich Will, Sonne was the first song off the album that got stuck in my head. Originally created for Vitali Klitschko, a Ukrainian boxer, the song got it’s title from Vitali’s surname, and many of the lyrical choices fit with the whole boxer theme. The video, however, is a story in and of itself.
Supposedly going through 40 ideas, which included a story about a boxer (which would continue to fit with the boxer theme) and the bombing of Hiroshima (which would have matched the lyrics and the depressed-sounding vocalization), the band finally decided to make a Snow White video for Sonne (they got the Snow White idea from watching the original Disney movie while the song played in the background. Bassist Olliver Riedel make a crude version of the video by putting clips of the movie together, and adding the song in. This in turn inspired the band to make the video Snow White based). Given their nature, the band warped and twisted the innocent Snow White, and created a sadistic yet beautiful tyrant. She constantly abuses the band (who are the seven dwarves in this video), forcing them to dig for gold, and even spanks them at one point. Making the video more warped is the fact that she sniffs gold dust like it was cocaine, and apparently dies from her addiction. To spoil it further would be a crime.
Unlike Pop Goes the World, the song & video meld more effectively. There isn’t as much of a contrast between the two, but this is compensated by being far more bizarre and WTFy. Speaking of WTFy...
3) Aphex Twin - Windowlicker
...This has to be one of the most mind raping videos I’ve ever seen! Aphex Twin (aka Richard James) has always been known for being weird, enough to the point of putting his face all over his videos (even within the music notes themselves...don’t ask), but this video has to take the cake. Bennett the Sage did a top 10 most WTF music videos back in March (Click “***” to watch the video), and put Windowlicker right on the number 1 spot. While definitely disturbing in it’s own right, it doesn’t deserve to take the number 1 spot on this list (the number 1 spot has been taken by a group that’s more...sinister than anything on here). Again, I’m getting off track.
Windowlicker ramps up the disturbing factor by having Richard’s face put onto the faces/bodies of some otherwise lovely black dancers, effectively removing any sex appeal they have. Ironically, the video itself is a parody of what Rap/Hip-Hop was becoming, and Richard James just goes with it. Lasting 10 minutes and 35 seconds, the video begins with a black guy & a Latino guy driving around L.A. looking for, as the black guy says, some “Motherfuckin bitches yo!”. They come across two fine ladies, and proceed to crudely try to get them into the car (this process takes about 4 minutes). It almost looks like they succeed, until Mr. James bumps them out of the way with an incredibly long Limousine, effectively starting the song. Speaking of the song...
I actually like it. It’s not at all disturbing (although Mr. James’s girlfriend at the time provided some of the vocals for the song, such as “J'aime faire des croquettes au chien” and “J'aime faire des cracottes au chien”...I’ll leave the translations up to your imagination.), and while not as intense as Industrial music, the Electronic beats in Windowlicker are rather soothing, yet they still provide some heavy sounds. Unfortunately, the song cannot save you from the horrid images that the video provides, and will more than likely scar you for life. Not even getting drunk can help!
2) Genesis - Illegal Alien
Among the many things I hate in the world, chief among them is racism. This is ironic, since I’m a white guy that hates white people (a long story that I won’t put up here). If you’re some random jackass that starts acting up, I might heckle you for a moment, but I’ll just leave you alone and put you out of my mind. If you’re a famous person, however, I might keep some interest in your moment (or moments) of idiocy. This is where Phil Collins, Genesis, and this video come in.
Released in 1983, Illegal Alien started as a joke by Phil, as he related his difficulties of getting into the U.S. with that of Mexican immigrant workers. Yeah that’s a bit of a stretch (to the point of being unbelievable), but considering the weirdness that was the early 80s, who knows. In any case, this is perhaps the most offensive video I’ve ever seen (besides my number 1 selection), and the most offensive song I’ve ever heard. Why you ask?
For starters, the video is filled to the brim with Mexican stereotypes. For starters, Mr. Collins and the rest of the band are wearing brown face, in a futile attempt to mask themselves as Mexican. To make matters worse, Phil is using a fake Mexican accent when he’s singing, and partially manages to pull it off. As for the rest of the video, the stereotyping of Mexicans continues, with the band drinking, sleeping, smoking, playing Mariachi music, and wearing huge sombreros and serapes towards the end of the video.
While the video is incredibly offensive, the song isn’t necessarily as bad, but still very racial. Taking a more lighthearted and comedic approach, Phil laments about the frustrations an illegal immigrant faces. This all leads up to the chorus singing:
“It's no fun/Being an illegal alien”
If that’s not whiplash inducing, then take a look at this bit of the song, which has since been taken off of the radio edition, and has also been taken off of the video edition as well:
“But I’ve got a sister/Who be willing to oblige/She will do anything now/To help me get to the outside”
If you’re not mortified, and bashing your head against a brick wall, then you must be a brainless bastard or bitch. Sorry about using that last word.
The worse fact about the video & song is that...I like it. Much like the live-action Street Fighter movie, this whole thing is so awful is hard to not like. The song has a catchy beat, and is as lighthearted as the lyrics. Even the video has a warped charm, despite all the racial stereotypes it contains.
1) B4-4 - Get Down
If Racism is one of the biggest things I hate, the thing before it is boy bands, and the thing after Racism...is Pedophilia. Anyone, whether man or woman, that touches a child in the wrong way, deserves to get a wooden stake shoves firmly up their ass, ala Vlad the Impaler. Though they might get off from it, but at the same time they’re feel the pain that their victims felt from them. Another video that Bennett the Sage covered in his top 10 WTF music videos (Get Down was placed at the number 7 spot. In all honesty, it should have take the number 1 spot. He also covered Illegal Alien in his Top Ten Worst Songs By Good Artists video, placing it at number 4 on the list. Click “***” to watch that video). Given his analysis of the video, I’ll quickly go over some of the more obvious points.
1) “They also beat Jersey Shore to the douche spray-on tan look by over a decade.”. I got no complaints about that statement. Hell, they look like mutated Oompa-Loompas to me. Complete with life-jackets, no less.
2) “It also doesn’t help with the painfully obvious innuendo.”. Sage is right: in the video, B4-4 is singing about trying to do a kid...a black kid. It’s so disturbingly wrong, I won’t even put down the lyrics he showed, lest your brain might explode.
3) “Also, why the hell does every woman in the video think the kid is hot shit!?”. I don’t think I can answer that Sage. I just can’t!
I’m sorry if I didn’t go into more detail. If I did, then I’d probably pull a Kurt Cobain, and put a shotgun in my mouth. If the song & accompanying video were a joke, it was a humorless, spiteful joke. If it wasn’t a joke, then Canada, place these bastards in front of a firing squad! Yeah I said shove a pole up their ass, but shoving some wood into them (no pun intended) is just a waste of time.
Honorable Mention) Tomboy - It’s Okay To Be Gay
First things first: I am not a homophobic in the slightest. I’m bisexual (I do prefer girls over guys, however), and have plenty of friends that are gay & bi. However, even I have my limits, and this video, and accompanying song, is a good example. It definitely belongs in the “What the Fuck” category, although it’s not on the list since I discovered this just last week, but I figured it at least deserves to be mentioned.
I’ll start with the song. Taking a rather humorous approach, the song is basically about homosexuality, and that it’s okay to be gay. I will say that the song is also somewhat stereotypical, as it has the kind of techno/electronic beats you’d hear in a gay bar or club. Given that fact, It’s Okay To Be Gay is rather addicting, and has some very catchy lyrics, complete with perhaps the funniest yet mind-warping chorus I’ve ever heard:
“It’s okay to be gay let’s rejoice with the boys in the gay way/Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way.”
The video, on the other hand, is like a nuclear rainbow bomb going off. It’s still funny like the song, but it’s filled with nothing but gay guys. That’s understandable, given the nature of the video/song, but at the same time some love should’ve been given to lesbians! On top of that, they’re taking a stab or two at straight people, which is also understandable, but a little spiteful at the same time.
See you all next week, when I’ll review perhaps the campiest anime I’ve ever seen. Until then, stay Otaku, and Happy Halloween!
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These are some of the scariest rants I’ve ever seen. Enjoy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBRz-uB5e7s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHVQ9g6qDSo
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